with a heavy heart

you constantly ask if i am ok.
and every time you do, i'd say yes.

but its not ok.
i'm not ok.

it still hurts.
i still cry inside everytime i think about it.

i want to smash my head into a wall and watch in a mirror as my brain oozes out and i slowly lose consciousness.
its so damn hard to accept compliments and gifts and all kinds of reward that i dont deserve.

its not about this or that.
its about regret.
or the lack of.

makes me feel so stupid.

and no one knows.

being a teen sucks.
being a teenage girl sucks.