Hi. That right there, is a picture of the first friends i ever knew. The first batch of people i called my best friends. Except, now, looking back, i dont know if thats what they were at all. Because now, at this point of time in my life, i've finally found my true best friends, people i can be myself around and not bother about looking stupid. Yup, my girls are really the best friends i can never replace or find anywhere else because they genuinely care when they ask me whats wrong and never fail to cheer me up.
Today, we went to SP for the open house and .. yknow my bestfriends always seem to know when i've got something to tell them or something im hiding. Dont ask me how they know. Well, okay anyway, i told them about my shoes and my friends, the one in the picture above.
Eheheh okay there's Fadhil the ex, Naqib the stalker, Zulhelmie the fellow dancer and Sufi the bestfriend boy. And then there's Zul and Iqbal of course.. the good ones. THATS REALLY PRETTY MUCH IT. I've never actually told my girls about them. Well, briefly maybe. But really, thats all there is to it. There is NO ONE i am currently emotionally attached to or having "feelings" or whatever it just stops there, really!
Its so funny when they were trying to get me to tell them "the story" hahaah well frankly, there is no story. And the shoes.. my new pink pumas,, eheheh that one's really no big deal. I swear i didnt know where that came from like why he suddenly decided to pop back into my life after 3 years of silence... and give me pretty shoes!!
I feel really guilty though. Towards Amira. Nur Amira. The day we went out planning for new years eve, i wore those shoes and i told her i bought them for school. Well, i lied. I suck for lying to my bestfriend. Maybe i was just embarrassed to admit where i really got them from. Or really, its no big deal where i got them from.. idk. And then the day i met Zul (Helmi) at Raffles Place before the party, he asked me why i didnt wear them and i lied. I told him "Kau baru pass kt aku smalam belom sempat bukak from the box and try" OMG WHY AIN WHYYYY.
Walao im such a loser. Im not a liar, really im not. I just panic sometimes and i just blurt out nonsense to save my ass. But i swear that doesnt happen very often and i pinky promise that will never happen again.
I guess i just have to up my confidence level.
Nurul Amira said i dont tell them stuff very often and i'd rather write or blog about it in silence. Heh i guess thats really true. And i suck for that. Its just that, ive been hurt so many times before. I know im only 17 but you should really hear my story before underestimating how much crap ive been through. Its hard mixing with people whom you're not comfortable around and you're always on edge wondering what they think about you and why you're family is so different from theirs and i really try so hard so fit in sometimes but i just cant it makes me so awkward. Im always afraid of being judged and maybe all those years of pretending has shaped me to be the kind of person i am today. One who lacks confidence. IDK..
Im just prepared to open up more now because ive found the friends im fit for right now. Real best friends i can count on and who i dont have to hide from. I love all of them to bits and pieces and i should never be afraid of being judged by any one of them. Okay da lah i should just shut up and stop here. Fuck now i feel like crying. Heheh anyhow.. im glad i managed to talk to my girls today. I dont like talking about my Breakforce Crew friends much because it seems like im digging up the past again but yknow i feel better after confiding in my girls (after much much pestering)
Ok bye la bye.
Ok bye la bye.
This is really the last of 94th Street ^^
goodbye buddies for i have found myself.