A big sobfest.
Thats what today felt like.
Everything seems to be wrong these days. I haven't got a solid grip on any part of my life and i feel like, if any of it slip out of my hands, i might just fall apart. I know i'm too young to fall into depression. That's not what it is at all. But i also know myself. And this is not just me being melodramatic or emo or over-sensitive. No, that is not like me at all. I am hardly attention-seeking. I know something must be seriously wrong but i can't fix it. I can't fix any of it.
- I'm done pretending.
As a kid, i used to pretend around my friends just to fit in. Now that i'm older, it just hurts so much to feel like i even have to pretend at home to fit in with my family. Sometimes, i just wish it didn't have to be all about football. They're always off somewhere watching some supposedly important match and when we're out thats all they talk about. Im sick of pretending im into any of that just to fit in. Im sorry i feel so fucking foreign around family.
Nobody knows me.
Nobody even bothers to get to know me at all.
I'm done trying.
Well, its okay i find virture in solitude anyway.
Im always the last to leave the house and the first to come back.
Well thats okay because im old enough to fend for myself.
Strangers, we all are. But we live together.
We label ourselves "Family"
Strangers.
But I love them nonetheless.
2. -
Yesterday, i skipped school because my wrist hurt after tarian the day before. I didn't tell them but i stayed home the whole day till they came back at about 9 or so. And they didn't even know i was home the whole day. They didn't even know i took 4 painkillers because my wrist was sore. I dont even know if thats allowed, 4 fucking painkillers.
Don't worry, im not so foolish as to go kill myself or something. I followed the prescription as closely as i could manage. And i did wake up today, didn't i?
Well, that wasn't supposed to be volume 2 of my story, but oh well i think i'll update it in a separate post in case this one gets too long.
See ya.