What the fuck.
I had such a good day today. Everything went pretty well.
AND THEN, YOU TEXTED.
Leave me the fuck alone please. KNN NBCB I THOUGHT ALL THIS WHILE WE STARTED TALKING AGAIN BECAUSE YOU ACTUALLY CARED ABOUT ME, BUT IT TURNS OUT YOU ARE JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER GUY.
Fuck you for thinking that i wouldn't find out.
That's why i don't trust people so easily. I'm tired of being played out time and again. I'm tired of being foolish, tricked into believing i'm actually good enough for someone when in actual fact, behind my back you are just laughing at me, poking fun at me when you're with your friends, flirting, cheating being an ass.
Maybe that's why i've been guarding my heart with all the strength i've got all this while. Maybe that's why i find it so hard to open up to people. Maybe that's why i trust my blog more than any other person. Its because i've been hurt so much prior to all this, my heart has been cheated so many times, tricked into feeling such joy and happiness that's built upon lies and lies and false hopes.
I don't know how to trust anymore.
No, you've never liked me. Love? Fuck love you're just spouting bullshit. We were kids. We still are kids. You know nuts about love i would've washed out your mouth with soap if i hadn't been so blinded by all your falsified care and concern and sweet kindness.
Fucking hell you have a girlfriend. Bitch, now then you tell me.
Again. How many times have i been cheated like this?
Maybe its just the pool of guys i know. It isn't fair to generalize all guys but it is so hard not to when you've been treated like this so many times. I have never in my entire life looked down on people based on their educational level but i swear it would've saved me all this hurt and pain and heartache if i never knew all you people. I wish i never lived in that life.
Go on. Laugh at me. Make jokes about me. How silly i am. How kental i am to be in a JC. How ugly i am. Or how boring i am because i don't talk like the kind of girls you hang out with. Laugh at mefor having a proper family who brought me up rather well. Not to be snobbish but honestly, who's the bigger failure in life you tell me?
I couldn't care less what you think about me. Just say it to my face please, instead of pretending you still care about me, texting me, calling me, making me wonder about what the fuck is going on when you have long found a replacement. WHAT IS THIS SHIT? WHERE IS THE JUSTICE?
LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE LA. THE WHOLE OF YOU LOT.
Always making use of me. Yes, that's what it is. I never belonged or fit in. All along, i was being taken advantage of. My mum was the bait. All those relationships were built on lies.
IIts either that i've been too weak to see the truth in all this all along, or that i've been strong enough to hold on for so long, i can't decide.