Times like these i really question my existence in this household.
I dont know what the fuck is going on. Nobody wants to call or text me about any of the details so i dont know what i'm supposed to do now. And when i call or text nobody ever picks up or replies.
So now what?
Maybe i am invisible. Or maybe my entire existence is really an illusion.
Like hello? I know we have to go to the airport today to send her off but what are the details?! Fuck this shit. Haha its really pathetic that i always have to resort to blogging. I swear this is damn ridiculous i NEVER, i am not exaggerating, NEVER know where anyone is. And at 9 plus or 10 then people magically appear in my house.
Ok i am going to change into my pyjamas now and chill with my laptop since no one is going to update me.
Haiy.
Today has actually been a pretty good day i must say. Ms Fernandez wasn't too mean. Dance was okay, not too hardcore. And dinner with my besties really really really completed my day, made everything perfect. I love them too much. They always listen when i talk.
Sigh.
I miss my mother. And my brothers. I miss my family a lot.
People should really count their blessings and stop complaining about what a naggy bitch their mothers are on twitter or how they hate their family so much. I mean, seriously, i would give anything to have my mother scolding me and acknowledging my presence in this world, actually bothering enough about my conduct at school or my schoolwork or my physical well-being. Sigh.
This is life.
Life is this.
But ohwell. This is MY life. This is how it is.
I really do miss hearing my mother's voice. I can't remember when was the last time i heard it, properly. A proper sentence or conversation. I miss her pretty face, her beautiful smile.
Well, all i can do is pray for my parents' well-being. And work hard so that they can retire and stay at home all day long when i am a bit older. I worry about them sometimes. Actually, i worry about them all the time. I wonder about what goes on in their minds, seeing their family, our family so broken up like this. I worry about them feeling sad or guilty. But i dont want them to feel that way.
I feel guilty for not making an effort to be around them in fact.
But how? I feel so helpless. I dont know how to react sometimes.
I feel so useless.
I am sorry Mum.
I am sorry Dad.
I do love you. And one day, i will make you proud. I will achieve something so great that will get you to notice and be proud to tell everyone about.
Insyaallah. With enough strength, I will.
I love you.